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easter week mix

Made this mix for a friend of mine here, and was pretty impressed by it. All songs talk directly about the Cross or the Resurrection, and are ordered accordingly. Some of the order may seem off, but I did that intentionally for my friend, who is new to the faith.

1. The Message of the Cross by Delirious
buy Delirious' spot-on early worship stuff on The Cutting Edge

2. The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman
buy Bebo Norman's first major album, Ten Thousand Days

3. Thief by Third Day
buy their superior worship album, Offerings: A Worship Album

4. Who is This? by Sandra McCracken
buy Indelible Grace's fourth installment, Beams of Heaven

5. O Come and Mourn with Me A While by Jars of Clay
buy their hymn project, Redemption Songs

6. Man of Sorrows by Jill Phillips
buy her hymn project, Kingdom Come

7. Beautiful Scandelous Night by Smalltown Poets
buy the single

8. The Wonderful Cross by Chris Tomlin
buy the above-par collection from various artists, The Wonderful Cross

9. To Be Alone With You by Sufjan Stevens
buy his lo-fi folk album Seven Swans

10. How Deep the Father's Love For Us by Nicole Nordeman
...from the same album as track #8

11. High Noon by Andrew Peterson
buy his superb album, Love and Thunder

12. Christ the Lord is Risen Today by Jill Phillips
....from the same album as track #6

13. In Christ Alone by Michelle Tumes
...from the same album as track #8

14. Mighty to Save by Laura Story
buy the single

15. Serve Hymn by Andrew Peterson
...from the same album as track #11

16. Nothing But the Blood by Page CXVI
download their hymns project

17. Before the Throne of God Above by Anathallo
download their hymns project

18. My Hope Is You by Third Day
...from the same album as track #2

19. Mighty is the Power of the Cross by Chris Tomlin
...from the same album as track #8

20. Behold the Lamb of God by Andrew Peterson
buy the best Christmas album ever made, Behold the Lamb of God

doing the work of God

In the strange lexicon that is Christian!speak, one of the phrases we like to use is "doing the work of God." It usually carries with it the pride and self-satisfaction of the one who speaks it. Here are some examples, on different levels:

Jane: Cheryl, you sang beautifully up there.
Cheryl: Oh, I'm just doing the work of God.

Mr. Jeffers: Sometimes, isn't your life stressful?
Pastor Gary: I suppose so, but it's worth the sacrifice for doing the work of God.

Newspaper: An ex-cop finds value in doing the work of God in inner cities

and, in some psychological thriller movies:
Serial Killer: I'm sorry, mister, but I have to do this. This is the work of God.
[shortly thereafter, "mister" dies]

Needless to say, we hear the term alot in both Flannery O'Connor novels and churches south of the Mason-Dixon Line. But what is the work of God, anyway? Is it really as ambiguous as we make it? Is it reserved for those in full-time ministry, or can a lay-person do it?

I'm still waist-deep in the fourth gospel, and that's where I get today's lesson from Scripture just for me, and consequently, for you as well.

Jesus said, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent." (Jn. 6:29)

It's amazing how we complicate things. According to Christ, doing the work of God is believing in the One whom He sent. You'd think we'd be able to focus more on than than our programs, ministries, whathaveyou.

Paul got this concept, and in 1 Thess. 1:2-5, "We give thanks to God always for all of you, making mention of you in our prayers; constantly bearing in mind your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the presence of our God and Father, knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; just as you know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake."

Notice here the focus isn't on random tasks they're doing, but it's on salvation itself--"the work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ..." Who would have thought that if we focus on our salvation, we'll be doing the work of God. If we wrestle with it, meditate on it, we'll see fruit.

That's the random thought for tonight. One of many, rest assured.

even more links

I don't know. Maybe I've spent way too much time online this weekend. But here are some links and articles I met along the way.

Six Reasons to Believe that God is Really There
For those of you too lazy to read Tim Keller's awesome book, The Reason for God.

Seven Signs of a Genuine Ministry
Convicting.

Four Ways to Explain What Happened on the Cross
I read John Stott's Cross of Christ a couple of years ago, and it immediately became one of the twenty or so books I think every believer should read.

One of the Most Important Prayer Requests
Once more, Piper is right-on.

19 Worst Drive-Thru Foods in America
I'm making a sign up list for friends who want to take me to each of these places when I come home, by the way. I figure I'll eat the 19 worst ones first, and then go back for a second round of "better options."

Study the Bible Better

BiblicalStudies.org.uk

Free NT Online Courses from Atlantic Baptist University

Shai Linne: theo-centric hip-hop that's...not bad.
This is his blog. Make sure to read the lyrics to his CDs on the left-hand column. You'll learn something.

See Some Interesting Media

Cindy Winters, wife of slain Pastor Fred Winters, speaks love on the Today Show


An Israeli guy mixes amateur videos on YouTube

What If Starbucks Marketed Like A Church?

~ and the people who made the video

some links

Hey, I stumbled across lots of good blogging this week. Here are some links I found worthwhile.

Screwtape on the SBC

15 Gospel-Saturated Book Recommendations

Church Planting in the Post-Christian US

10 Ways You Can Truly Help the Homeless

5 people from very different denominational backgrounds answer the question What Is The Gospel?

The Baptist Renaissance March Madness Bracket (really, you should read it all)

what's going on with me.

I generally hesitate to talk too much about myself, because such talk is usually the product of some form of pride (which ranges from arrogance to self-pity). However, over a year into this gig, I've realized a couple things I figured you, as my supporters (in prayer, finance, and personal encouragement) should know. It hasn't been my aim to fool you all this time, but I really just think I wasn't aware until recently. So here's five confessions, ways you can pray.

1. I'm not good at what I do.

2. Turns out, I'm not only awkward in America, but I'm socially impaired here, too!

3. I am far too easily content with what I (do, and don't) accomplish.

4. I'm really clueless, a lot of the time.

5. The vision and creativity that I once had apparently didn't make the trip over.

I won't elaborate on these things, but I will give more background in general. On Sunday, I heard a sermon in which the speaker explained phases we have in life--hard places through which we are purified, desert places through which we see God better, and dark places through which we understand better.

It wasn't until last Sunday that I realized I'd been in a dark place for quite a long time (about a year and two months, to be exact). I don't say "dark place" to imply that I come home every day, depressed. The "dark place" to which I'm referring is a place where nothing is recognizable, and I can't even imagine what could be there. It's like there's some disconnect between my imagination (and thought life) and the horizon. In the States, I could look out and see great things, ways in which the Father would work. Here, there's nothing.

So those are my confessions. This entire time, I've searched for hours in the Word, but have yet to receive an idea, to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what I'll keep on doing, too. But please pray for these things to be reconciled, and so that I would have a greater grasp on how to glorify His name here.

A song I've been listening to (tongue-in-cheek) a lot the past couple of days is Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train." It's message is horrible, but the melody is really good, and it reminds me of a hopelessness that I don't have, even if some of the emotions are the same. :)

Here's a video of a French band covering it:

and we will be saved

I was studying John 3 the other day when I was redirected to Numbers 21:1-9. It's where Jesus explains in v. 14, "As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life."

One of the reasons I enjoy the book of John so much is because of the pictures it paints about salvation. Light. Serpent. Vine. They're beautiful, and cut to the core. So to refresh my memory about why God sent the serpents, I turned back to Numbers and read, and was struck at how the Israelites must have felt once the snakes started attacking and they started to die from the lethal bites. Could you imagine, you're just living your normal sinful life, and to get you to repent, God sends snakes to bite your family members so that "many people of Israel [die]"? Your child dies, the elderly gentleman who taught you about the Holy book dies. Seeing bodies all around you from these snakes while fearing death yourself.

Something I rarely confide because it just shows how weird I really am, is that I sometimes have a recurring dream about snakes. When I say "snakes," I mean bunches. They're covering my floor like in Indiana Jones, and no matter where I go, there they are. When I think I am reaching for a knife, it turns out to be a snake. It's ridiculous and exhausting. Only, the good thing is that in my dreams, they never bite me. I don't know why. But when I read this text, I think of that dream, and wonder how the dream would change if my family and I were being bitten. I can't imagine it.

So the people of Israel turn to God, their only hope, and Moses makes the serpent so that every person who is bitten can look to it and live.

I don't know the circumstances of it--I don't know if there were ones who didn't look to it, or how long the snakes remained in the camp. I don't know how many people were saved by looking onto the serpent. But I do know that whoever placed his hope in it, would live.

In the same way, I look at the millions of people around me, haunted by family troubles, sicknesses that should be curable, economic problems, and fighting the corruption that runs rampant in this country. All of these are the consequences of sin, or resulting from the Fall. They experience these things, and they don't know what to do, so they live in fear and with a phrase of "I can only hope."

They can only hope, as they don't have a promise.

And while I'm studying all of this, I'm listening to Doug Burr's new album based on the psalms, The Shawl. If you like quiet folk music, or bearded singer-songwriters, or very difficult truths like the ones found in the psalms, you should get it. I'm reminded of one of the tracks based off Psalm 80:1-3 titled, "And We Will Be Saved" that goes something like:

O Give Ear, Shepherd of Israel
Thou dost lead Joseph like a flock, like a flock
Thou art enthroned above, the cherubim shine forth.
Shine forth. Shine forth.
Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up Thy power.
Stir up Thy power
Come to save us, come to save us
O God, restore us and cause Thy face to shine upon us
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved

the site for THIS week

I was doing some research during my study this morning, and came across a new site, The Voice. It is a good resource for understanding the Bible better, and though theologically it leans toward Wesleyanism, it provides very clear outlines of books of the Bible, as well as some really good timelines. Oh, and the site overall is pretty easy to navigate, especially with its "related pages" bar on the right-hand side. It's complete, but not overwhelming like some other sites.

So yeah, here are my recommended links from the site, but I'm sure if you poke around, you'll find even more stuff to enjoy.
The Books of the Bible
Brief Overview of the Bible's Storyline
Israelite Kings Date Chart
Israelite Prophets Date Chart

site of the week

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my site of week.

ByPrayer.org

to our shame

Corresponding with the last post, I'm finishing up a semi-deep study in 1 Corinthians today, and can't help but notice how Paul continuously scolds the congregation in Corinth.

I'm sure not many of you are interested in anthropology, but I come from what anthropoogists call a "guilt culture" and what I live in now is a "shame culture," which is really all of Asia. (You can read more here.) The more I study Corinthians, the more I realize that this is was a shame culture. In our churches, our tactics are not so blunt, but we try to cause inner guilt to bring people to salvation, to our altars.

I'm not an anthropology major, and because of that, I can say this: our churches should reflect a shame culture. I don't know how this would play out, but it sounds like a pretty good idea for a thesis, don't you think?!

The fact is, we're not embarassed by what we do because everybody accepts us and loves us. Sure, the church should reflect love in reconciling a brother or sister to a holy life, but they should also be scolded with the Word. Whose job is this? Our small groups? Our mentors'?

And above all that, something that really struck me as Paul brings this letter to the congregation to a climax:
1 Cor. 15:34, "Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame."

The ultimate shame is that some around us have no knowledge of God.

Yes, we should be ashamed.

on the seriousness of sin

Today was reading in 1 Corinthians 5, "It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father's wife. You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst."

This verse got me thinking earlier about how there are so many in our congregations who live in sin, yet we let it go because we want to show them "love." Paul, however, never labels leaving a person in sin as "love" or allowing them to stay with Christ's bride as "love," but "arrogance."

I got to thinking about why they would be labeled "arrogant" and realized that when we do that--it is arrogance. It's saying that we know a better way to deal with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

and THEN, in v. 8, he concludes, "Therefore let us celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth."

When/if we do this to our brother or sister in Christ, we do it in sincerity and truth--not malice or wickedness. That is actual love.

Wow. I have a lot to repent for.

reading a couple of books

Read a couple of challenging books this week. One of them I won't share over this blog, but if you want to know what it is, then e-mail me. It's worth it, I assure you.

The second was a book called "23 Minutes in Hell."

I know I'd seen this book before, and passed it off as another "Hell-obsessed" book that doesn't emphasize Christ too much.. The wannabe Don Miller in me tends to shy away from fire and brimstone as a tactic to scare people into faith. I think, with the course of this book, the Lord helped me realize that "fire and brimstone" isn't just a tactic to scare people into faith, but if done well, it's preaching the truth.

Fact is, the book is written as an actual experience the author claims he had in hell. Of course, the conservative in me always questions this type of thing--like prophetic dreams we sometimes hear of, and over the years I've come to see this thing 2 ways: If the gospel and only the gospel is emphasized through this occurance, then it could be true. (Hear the skepticism even in that statement?) If it happens and some other agenda is preached outside of the gospel alone, then it is Satan.

I usually weigh supernatural occurances like these by that guideline, and I'd have to say that after reading this book, I do believe that the author really had a twenty-three minute experience in hell. I don't know how, and I doubt I ever will.

With all that said, I highly recommend it, if nothing but an intriguing story. It has a very heavy emphasis on the gospel, and backs everything up with Scripture. It is for believers and nonbelievers alike. You can run a search for the mp3 and find a million sources, so just Google it.

a skewed view of "just enough"

As Americans, when we think of "living within our means," we usually include basic cable and the occasional meal at McDonald's.

Prov. 30:8-9,
"Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion,
That I not be full and deny You and say, 'Who is the LORD?'
Or that I not be in want and steal,
And profane the name of my God."

According to this, "living within our means" means that we have food that is just enough.

Just enough. No leftovers. Maybe not even feeling full, but still enough to sustain our bodies.

Our view of poverty is, in fact, living within one's means.

One time I tried fasting every week, and the process reminded me of how much our bodies really don't need food or drink to go about our daily business. It's a psychology thing. An American thing.

So, who is up for praying that for their own lives and families?

Christ became to us...

Lately I've been reading and re-reading through the epistles.

Today I was tackling 1 Corinthians and was quickly amazed at the glory of Christ which we find in the last couple verses of chapter 1.

"But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, so that, just as it is writted, "LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD."

How we simplify the work of Christ.

We see here that Christ is not just Savior and Lord, but he became our:
Wisdom from God
Righteousness
Sanctification
Redemption

Especially interesting is when you think of the different roles of the last three.

Christ became our righteousness, as in only his good can be worthy in front of God, and his goodness has been fully credited to us as believers.
Christ became our sanctification, as in we become more holy and gain knowledge of the Father each day.
Christ became our redemption, our freedom from captivity.

update on Iin

I've shared in e-mails about one of my friends with whom I always have religious conversations. Because our schedules are crazy, we rarely meet, but thankfully I have shared about my faith several times, and explicitly with her about two times.

She continues to be interested with my faith.

Please lift her up at this time, specifically that we'd get to hang out more, and that she would respond to the hope that we have in Christ.

"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." - 2 Thess. 3:5

praise God for the light

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. - John, in chapter one of his gospel

Reasons why I was overwhelmed with gratitude when I read this passage:
1. Christ is the true light.
- He is never half-powerful. Christ is the one through whom "all things were made."
2. The true light enlightens everyone.
- Christ does not come just for the Jews, or just for the Americans, but effectively saves the nations.
3. In John's time, the true light was coming into the world.
- Christ knew the condition of the world, and yet he still stooped to live among the most despicable creatures.
4. He was in the world.
- We live in a time where, as Christians, we are afraid to live in the world. Yet Christ came to the world to live, to hurt, to be tempted, and to utterly glorify God through it all.
5. The world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.
- I should never think that I am too far above not recognizing the hand of Christ. When Jesus came, even though he is the Source, everyone was looking to other things. Let me never forget that my being a new creation and having anything good in me is only the result of His hand.
6. He came to his own.
- God had dealt with the Israelites for hundreds of years, and yet Jesus still went to them. How quickly we disown people in our culture.
7. His own people did not receive Him.
- The Israelites called themselves the people of God, yet they did not receive God. Let me never become so proud in what God has done in my life to forget to find his works today.
8. Receiving Christ is the same as believing in his name.
- Everyday I see hundreds of people who follow a religion where they have to go through a series of works to have the chance at earning God's approval. But Christ has done all of our works so that we only have to believe in him. (And while that same faith has the power to move mountains, it is impossible to attain without the grace of God.)
9. Christ gives us the right to become children of God.
- In a generation and culture of entitlement, maybe I think I deserve God's favor. But no, I am able to be called a child of God only because it is a gift from Christ.
10. My re-birth is not by blood, flesh, or the will of man, but of God.
- Blood, flesh, and the will of man are all temporal. They will all fail. Only God is able to sustain something, and praise Him that my salvation does not rest in feeble hands that are strong one moment and weak the next, but resides in the hand of the One who holds all of creation.

those aforementioned students...

Most of you know that I am mentoring a group of students. They come to my city on the weekends, and they go out into villages on Saturdays to study the culture and look at the development of villages. They are hard workers, and come from all over the country. Some of them have not seen their families for years because they cannot afford to go home. In their spare time, they make food to sell to earn money. During summer vacation, they are committed to the work. After their fourth year, they must commit to a year of work before they graduate. They are a great group, and the Father has taught me a lot through them.

Unfortunately, they lack sustainable skills that they will need after they graduate, like sewing or hair-cutting--stuff like that. Please lift them up, that they would be able to learn skills so that they could earn an income while participating in the work to which they have been called.

lifting up believers

If you're ever at a loss of how to lift us and our friends here, you may use this text from Paul.

Col. 1:9-14

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to teh Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light. For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

the story of the crane wife

I have a fascination with weird fairy tales and fables, and one of the more interesting stories is from Japan, and is about the crane wife. The condensed version of the story goes something like this:

There once was a poor farmer. One day while he was out, he came across a wounded crane that had been shot in the wing with an arrow. The farmer took the crane home and nursed it to health, eventually releasing it back into the wild.

Not long after that, when the farmer returned home, he found a beautiful girl waiting at his door. He took her in for the night, and they quickly fell in love and were married. One day she suggests she weave him some cloth to sell at the market, so she locks herself in a back room to weave, making her husband promise to never see what she's doing.

Eventually, she returned to him with a beautiful piece of silk, which the man in turn took to the market, and gained a lot of money. He came home and asked her to do this again, which she did. This continued for quite a while, until one day he opened the door to the back room where she was weaving.

Upon opening the door, the farmer did not see his wife at the loom, but instead the crane picking out some of her last remaining feathers. Because he had opened the door and gone against his promise, the poor crane flew away never to return.

Now, we can obviously see the main moral of this story, and if I wanted I could type a little about my thoughts, and how this little story convicted me, replacing the crane wife and her respective cloth with a myriad of things. With you, it may be different. I'll just close with Scripture.

Rev. 2:1-7
To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: 'The words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands.

"'I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent. Yet this you have: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.'"

"The Crane Wife 3" by The Decemberists


"And I will hang my head, hang my head low."

nuggets of truth

[computer update: my laptop has been working for a whole 7 days now. I don't know if this means God has answered my many prayers, or if it is just going to surprise me one day...regardless, I am very thankful]

The following are some pieces of truth that have hit me especially hard this week. (If you hadn't noticed, I've been heavy in the wisdom literature.)

Psalm 19:7-9:
The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.

Psalm 19:14, "Let me words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight."

Psalm 21:7, 13, "For the king trusts in the LORD, and through the lovingkindness of the Most High he will not be shaken....Be exalted, O LORD, in Your strength; we will sing and praise Your power."

Psalm 22 - I'm saving this for a completely different post for its awesomeness.

Proverb 14:4, "Where no oxen are, the manger is clean; but much revenue comes by the strength of the ox."

Isaiah 49:5-7 - this is also for a completely different post

Matthew 10:16-23

1 Peter 3:13-22

my laptop's condition is terminal

It's interesting the angles Satan has been taking to try and make me frustrated. In December everything was lost. Then there was the car thing. (Oops, I mean "is".) Recently I've been having other computer problems, sometimes my computer won't turn on for a whole day.

Today I Googled it, only to discover that the condition is terminal. What happens sometimes is a motherboard just doesn't have anything to motivate it anymore. So now, I'm starting to see signs that it will die soon. I don't know the day or time, but we've begun this process. Repairing it is possible, but the cost isn't worth it--it's almost the same price as a new laptop.

I don't know why God's allowing this to happen--why God wants my savings to be dried up, but it will. Praise Him for giving me that money in the first place. I don't know what I'm supposed to learn, but I'm searching the Scriptures and in prayer to find out why.

When I first discovered this problem a couple weeks ago, I was reading my Bible and came to Psalm 16, which reads:

1Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. 2I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."

3As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

4The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

5The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

7I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
10For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

11You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

In other words: my salvation is not in this Macbook. My salvation is secure, in the name and works of Christ. I have no good or solid thing apart from Christ, not from objects or theologies or even what I do in His name.

wholeness prayer is a whole different story

I have a couple of believing friends who are pretty solid in their beliefs but come from really horrible backgrounds. Some of them have families who even claim to be "Christian," but in reality, are not born again believers. Plus, occultism/animism is a really common thing here, so many of them have been exposed to these practices. Well, they know some other expat worker friends of mine, and that expat worker called in some of his friends to host a retreat on wholeness prayer so that these kids could deal with their problems. I went along to counsel my friends, and just to be there with whatever they needed. I'd didn't know much about wholeness prayer before, but I sure do now.

This was two days after my trip out of town. I was still recovering with my lack of sleep/exhaustion.

When I was first introduced to this method, it was practiced on me by the expert from out of town. It went like this:
Counselor: Let's open in prayer. Father, help Cassandra know if there is anything in her heart that doesn't feel right today.
(wait a couple of seconds)
Counselor: Is anything heavy on your heart today?
Me: Yeah, fatigue.
Counselor: OK, let's take that to the Lord. Lord, Cassandra has said that she is suffering from fatigue today. Please speak to her and let her know why she's feeling this fatigue and what other factors are involved.
(wait a couple of seconds)
Counselor: Is there anything specific that made you feel this way?
Me, dumbfounded: Yeah, I was out of town sleeping in a bad motel bed with a friend all up against me making me keep the lights on. That's why.
[note: when I disagree with someone's methodology, I really get blunt--let that be a warning]
Counselor (not satisfied with my answer): OK, let's take it to the Lord. Father, help Cassandra know what else is on her heart today as she feels this fatigue.
(waits a few seconds)
Counselor: Has God told you what else you are feeling today?
Me, still dumbfounded: Nope, just tired.
Counselor (not satisfied with my answer): OK, let's take it to the Lord. Dear God, help Cassandra remember some other bad feeling she is having right now.
(waits a few seconds)
Counselor: What about now?
Me, ticked off at this idiotic, unbiblical thing: Nothing.

So that's wholeness prayer. Basically, you think of the sin you're experiencing and try to find the root, which is somewhere in your past. Like this:
Counselor: Do you remember the first time when you really felt this anger?

When I hear this question, I think of things like, "Yes, when I was four and my sister wouldn't let me play in her room."

Hello? The root of my sin of anger today is my horrible sin-steeped heart. Not one event that happened in the past.

So this whole thing made me think of syncretism, the idea that we blend our practices and insert biblical truth. Because, essentially, this is psychology. Sure, God can tell me things on the spot like that, but it can't be certain that I'm just remembering or saying random things. Plus, this is all based on my emotions, since those are so reliable (am I right, women?). I mean, if I'm an unbeliever with no clue about God, I'd probably answer just like they'd want me to.

Now, I will say that I think this is a good psychological tool, and that we can use psychology in our lives, in order to discover things we're harboring in our hearts--SIN--so that we can repent of not forgiving our fathers/mothers, etc. But other than that, please beware. I tell you this because when you see this method in person, it's tempting to buy into. They provide just enough Scripture and drop God's name just enough times (including a few words like "sin," although that is rare) to where it sounds delectable.

Please, flee.

my eventful trip out of town

So the other week I went for a trip to the southeast corner of my province, taking along a national friend. Here's how it went, and how God was sovereign through it all. Here are the things I was up against:

1) no valid license + possibility of being stopped by police = danger
2) Curvy mountain-side/cliff roads + rainy season = danger
3) One-lane mountain-side/cliff roads + busses breaking logical speed laws = danger
4) Motorbikes not realizing that cars will move according to their movement = danger
5) A '97 Toyota Kijang known to have problems travelling 200 kilos from home = danger

This following is what happened.
Day 1:
Set out from home. Took the 2.5 hours windy mountain road. Took a rest. Drove for 2.5 hours on an uneventful flat, boring road. Drove for 1.5 hours on a mountain-side/cliff road. Drove for 1 hour on a normal road. Drove for 2.5 hours on a mountain-side/cliff road that, for 20 kilos, was just one lane. Checked into the first hotel we saw, got a room for $7/night, and ate some fried rice and drank happy soda (soda water + fanta + sweetened condensed milk). It barely rained. I didn't encounter too many busses on the scary portions of the road. I was not pulled over by the police. Wow, an amazing day.

Day 2:
When I go to start the car which has been wedged between two cars in the 5-car parking lot that was really built for 3 cars, the key won't turn in the ignition. Of course, I've dealt with this before with all the Fords I've driven in the States, so I just jiggle the wheel and after about fifteen minutes, success. My friend starts to become worried, but I, the arrogant American and strong believer in the soveriegnty of God and power of prayer, tell her that it's no problem.

We visit my friends' grandma's house, then go to the main beach, which is 5 kilos from the city. By the way, this city is so small there is no public transportation. Two gas stations. One stop light. One of those. So, at the beach, we take some photos, I remind myself that my life is pretty amazing and I get to see some beautiful parts of this world, and then we go to my friend's aunt's cafe place (there's no real translation...like street restaurant?) and get some free food. We go to leave and the key won't turn again. After about thirty minutes, a man comes along, tinkers with it, and gets it to start after inserting HIS Kijang key and loosening up something in the ignition.

From there on out, everytime the car started directly without problem, I thanked God.

THEN, we take a mountain-side/cliff road about 10 kilos out of town to head to some of the more untouched beaches. I turn off the main road to a desa road, which we travel for about 10 kilos more. Now, what do I mean by "village road"? I mean this: yes, there is asphalt. Yes, there is one lane. No, there are no guard rails on these cliffs. No, there is no logic in the grade on the hills. Yes, there are sometimes signs pointing you in the right direction. No, there are no businesses, sometimes no houses or anything. But, we finally arrive at this beach, and it's the most beautiful beach I've ever seen: white sand, clear water, beautiful rocks, enchanting waves, pretty shells. I hate the ocean, and I was thinking of moving there.

The car starts, so we head to another beach that's about 8 kilos more out from that beach. Now, on this road, there is eventually a "T," so me, knowing what direction I'm facing and where the beach should be, head south instead of north. I mean, the beach will be south, surely. Well, at first we weren't sure, but then we start to see random signs. Eventually, I see the beach at a distance, down a road, but there are no signs pointing in that direction, so I follow the road, and finally there is a marker that says it's 4 kilos more. Not long after that, the road turns to gravel and we find ourselves in the middle of nowhere (which is quite scary when there is no sign of life at all). Suddenly, there is a farmer. He tells us we're heading in the wrong direction, so we go back to the beach I saw from the road earlier. Oh yes, and that one was almost as gorgeous as the second one.

The car starts, so we go back to the motel. That night I'm pretty tense from driving on those crazy roads, but have a new arrogance about owning all the roads in this country, figuratively speaking. I don't sleep well, coupled with the fact that my friend wanted to spoon half the night, and I don't like to be touched when I'm awake, more or less when I'm asleep.

Day 3:
The car starts, so we go see my friend's grandpa. He's pretty awesome. We talk about circumcision, sleeplessness, and hernias for a while and then move on to the other side of the city, along the other coast. That road quickly became scary, as it became a 1 lane road that was being repaired on the side of the mountain. Gravel, dirt, mud, 1 lane, bulldozer hovering over you at an unnatural angle. Stuff like that. Eventually, we meet a village and there's a sign indicating a beach is somewhere. We follow it.

This road was probably the most...isolated out of all of them. The road seemed even smaller than the previous 1 lane roads, and it was definitely higher up as we made our way on the edge of the mountain. The grade was insane. Yeah, it was quite dangerous. I think at that point I was on a high from the day before. I don't think I can vocalize what I felt on that road. But finally, we reach the beautiful beach which is pretty far from the road, and literally in the middle of nowhere.

The car starts, and we head to the opposite side of town to go see the cave. The cave is thirty kilos out of town, about half of it being village road. This village road was a little wider because of the traffic to the cave, but the grade was still interesting. On the side of the cliff, again.

We see the cave. Not too impressive, but it only cost us fifty cents, so I can't complain.

Then the car won't start, and this is where it gets interesting.

I tinker with it for about forty minutes before asking the men who "work" there for help. They tinker with it for about forty minutes more, and we're discussing options if it doesn't start.
Option 1: one of us will ride on the back of a motorbike to the main road, and then take a bus to the city and look for help while one of us stays at the cave
Option 2: both of us leave the car and pray we stumble upon transportation as we walk to the closest village, about five kilos down the mountain road
Option 3: call my sponsor and ask his advice--oh wait, there's no signal AT ALL

Finally, one of the guys offers to go find an auto repairman (I use the term loosely) in the closest village. He comes back and hotwires the car to get it started, but there's still the problem of the wheel being locked. Now, at this point, sometimes the key will turn to the ACC position, allowing the wheel to move, but it just as easily falls back into the locked position. I'm watching the action at this point, listening to their strategies. In the native language they talk about "tying" the steering wheel into the ACC position. I have no idea what they were planning or what they did, but the thought of having my steering wheel "tied" so that it won't lock up and I won't plunge off a cliff when it does lock up on the 30+ kilo drive on the mountain home, I wasn't comforted. Oh yeah, and they also remind me that it still needs to get to a Toyota specialist.

He does just that, and at the end of it, he announces, "It's safe, just go slowly." He knows I have to drive 8 hours the next day to get home. I think he was trying to convince himself that it was safe.

The other guys are looking at me, repeating over and over that "It's dangerous."

I'm freaking out at this point, my hand over my heart unknowingly. My unbelieving friend, never having seen this, reminds me, "Don't worry, remember you were the one that said when God wants you to die, that's when you will die."

I don't like my theology being thrown in my face like that while I'm in the midst of a crisis.

I decide that I emotionally can't drive. I mean, I don't mind dying at the hands of another person, but I don't want to kill myself. I pay one of the guys to drive us to the city. I don't think he'd ever driven before. My poor car.

We arrive back in the city, the guy gets out of the driver seat, I almost get out and kiss the ground, and I just hear the guy saying, "Already...already," which in this language what that intonation basically means, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe we lived through that."

Finally, we have signal so I call my sponsor and ask him what to do. He says it's not safe to drive, it needs to go to an auto-repair shop the next day. The thing is, in this town, most people have motorbikes, and auto shops really aren't common.

That night we go to a food stall and meet a guy who gives us perfect directions to the auto shop which is the best in the city. We'll go there the next morning. We go back to the motel, and don't sleep much.

Day 4:
I drive it for the first time, and am surprised that it's actually not that bad. However, I still want the auto-shop to check it out; if they say it's safe, I will drive it home. The guy looks at it, and after ten seconds turns to me and says, "This is dangerous."

We wait for four hours at the auto-repair place which is conveniently located next to a food stall. Kids pass by and say, "Hey, there's a white person!" People stare. Usually I'm walking when this happens, but sitting next to the road, I guess I was kinda like the auto shop's mascot for the morning.

We finally get the car back, the key already in the ignition. The guy has fixed the wiring, and made it to where the wheel cannot be locked, and is all loosey-goosey. I'm exhausted, and thankful, so I pay them $15 and leave (I love this country). We go to say buy to my friend's aunt, who is on the very opposite side of town, 5 kilos away. We eat and get ready to leave, and when I go to unlock the car I notice that they replaced my bent key with a new one. I realize this because it's not turning in the door.

My friend had stored to the auto shop's number in her cell, so she calls them and then decides to go there. She tracks down her cousin, who takes her to the shop. I wait, and once more play the mascot, only this time at the grilled fish cafe which is frequented by government workers who are asking my friend's aunt about my presence in their corner of the world. After about thirty minutes, my friend comes back with the old key and the auto shop's apologies. Needless to say, we pack quickly and get the heck out of Dodge, even though it's already 2:30 p.m., and we'll need to stay the night in a city with which we're not familiar.

We set out, and it's raining, sometimes pretty hard. We make it through the really dangerous road--after the last few days, this road is no longer scary. When we arrive at the first big city, we drive around looking for a hotel. We find one whose name is translated "Hotel Safe" and get a room, discovering that here it's just $4/night. Then we realize it's a renovated hospital. When I say "renovated," I say that they still use the hospital furniture, and nothing about the room has changed. The door has a peep-window that the nurses of yesteryear used, only it was painted over on the outside. The lock is a lock I'd put on my diary--the diary that doesn't hold my darkest secrets. I didn't feel safe, but was pretty exhausted. I prayed that the location--in the middle of town--would help, as it usually does. Oh yeah, and this place was disgusting--I could hear the rats, and was too afraid to take a shower.

Did I mention that local horror movies are set in hospitals, and that the people in this country are conditioned to believe in ghosts--especially those in hospitals? Because of that, my friend decided early on that I was sleeping in her bed with her, and the lights were staying on all night. We also had music playing the majority of the time.

The funniest thing? On the back of the door was written in big black letters, in English, "I WILL BE BACK." Goodness.

That night, my friend breaks down, saying something to the equivalent with "This was the last straw...I can't take it anymore."

I don't think either of us slept well, and we were both waiting for daylight.

Day 5:
We get up at 5:30 and get out of there. Scary to the max, for both of us even though we had different reasons. We head home, and all is good. My friend admits that God has blessed us (something I reminded her of the whole trip), and that he really protected us in a lot of those places, and provided exactly what we needed. When I get home at 3, I go to check my e-mail to discover that my computer which had worked the night before when it played music, would not turn on. Exhausted, I fell asleep. Woke up five hours later, it still wouldn't work. I went back to sleep for the night.

Day 6:
I get up, check my computer, to find it still dead. I read Psalm 16, and am struck to the core about how salvation is not found in computers, and how I have been promised and believe without a doubt that the blood of Christ covers me. No anxiety at all. Later that afternoon, I go to meet with my sponsor about the trip, and the computer suddenly works.

UPDATE:
Since then, my car has been to the Toyota specialist, and it's waiting to be repaired. They had to order special parts, and it can't be driven. It's interesting how I got home fine, knowing there was a slight sound in the engine, but now it won't even ride for five seconds without a problem. I don't know when it'll be fixed, but all is OK.

so this thing about the Gaza Strip...

Most of our hearts, I'm sure, are heavy from the events going on in the Middle East. (Admittedly, when I first heard of the developments there, I didn't believe it.) When I saw the first round of pictures from the Boston Globe, I was a little naseous without even looking at the "inappropriate" gory pictures. I didn't look at the second group, instead choosing to pray directly for those afflicted over the past couple of weeks.

I'm not going to go into the politics of who is right or wrong, but as believers placed on earth to usher in the new kingdom and to live out the kingdom of Christ by reflecting the thought and habits of the Lord, I do think we need to be in deep prayer for what's happening.

Over the past few days, I've heard of different groups around Southeast Asia rising up to protest these attacks, several of those protests aimed at the West in general, for supporting Israel. Not only do we have to face the carnage on scene, and the thousands of deaths, but society around the globe has been uprooted. There's a billboard next to the local mall in my city that scolds Israel's actions. Westerners are being warned by the authorities that demonstrations might happen.

I'm not writing this to say that I feel unsafe--I often feel more safe here than I do in the sketchier parts of Louisville. I'm just writing to say that this world is in disrepair and a bit of a frenzy, and we should be on our knees in intercession.

If you need a motivator to do this...
pictures from last week
pictures from this week

a quick non-spiritual testimonial

If you're reading this, then you probably know last December my hard drive died, and the hundreds of dollars I had invested in digital music were lost because of my own irresponsibility in not backing up my music. I don't want to think of how many songs there were in all, but they mainly came from Amazon.com, emusic, and iTunes (the bulk of my money being in the latter). So last week I was curious enough to e-mail iTunes. I explained my problem, not expecting much help.

Within a day, I got this reply:








So, elated, I sent this:



And then the day after that, before I even had a chance to download my music, I received this:





Needless to say, I am amazed at the customer support team over at iTunes. I didn't receive anything like that with Amazon or emusic. Usually I'm leery of big corporations, much like the customers of Dunder Mifflin. I stick to small things (Holiday World vs. Cedar Point, Sunergos vs. Starbucks), but with iTunes, I think I've got a keeper.

(This post was written to inspire all of you readers to purchase iTunes. If you need a recommendation for some new music, just ask!)

wisdom of the believer, wisdom of the world

Went to church last Sunday, and as usual, was blessed by the preacher's sermon, which was taken from Eph. 5:14-19. (If I have not mentioned my wonderful national church in times past, ask me about it sometime--I never thought I would enjoy church like I do at my home church in the States.) God revealed a lot of truth in a short amount of time, but one of the many things that struck me was the explanation of being wise as seen in this passage versus our personal conception. The preacher explained that biblical wisdom is one in which you can see the Spirit of God, and directly follow it.

It's a simple definition until you apply it to your life.

He contrasted this biblical wisdom with worldly wisdom, and how worldly wisdom is to follow what will bring you success. It was in that explanation that I realized that's often how I walk--trying to find the most successful way to do something. Sure, it's not related to money in my line of work, but there are other signs that I look for. I thought that I'd been walking wisely in these evil days, but turns out I've just been syncretising biblical wisdom with spiritual success, and the result is that I follow things that will bring spiritual fruit.

To be so atuned to the spirit of God that I move when He does, is the subject of my prayers this week.

Therefore it says,
"Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The following is one of the painfully-beautiful songs I've been listening to the last couple of weeks, on piano. The song is "Re: Stacks" and is originally performed by Bon Iver.

...and the original:

lost coastlines

Lately I've been studying the book of 1 Samuel, and it seems like every new chapter tells me more of God's holiness and grace, and my sinfulness. I keep going back to Israel, who knew they were wrong in choosing a king, and then Samuel reminding them in 12, "Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name's sake, becase it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself." I also keep going back to Saul, who knew better than his actions would let on.

If I were to theme my studies, I'd probably call it "Grasping at Straws."

And when I read this book, I wonder at their foolishness before I remember that in my line of work, it's about the same. Sometimes it feels like there's only fog, a gray, and none of this was laid out for me before I came (especially as far as business matters are concerned). Then I remember that I've indeed been given a map, the Word made flesh, Immanuel, the Christ.

On New Year's Day I'm thankful that I don't have to grasp at straws like the millions of people around me.

This is probably my favorite song that was released last year, which could have been sung by Israel or Saul, me on my forgetful days, or my neighbor.



"Lost Coastlines" by Okkervil River

Packed and all eyes turned in, no one to see on the key
No one waving for me just the shoreline receding,
Ticket in my hand and thinking wish I didn't hand it in.
Cause who said sailing is fine--
Leaving behind all the faces that I might replace if I tried on that long ride,
Looking deep inside but I don't want to look so deep inside yet.

Sit down, sit down on the prow to wave "Bye,"
There might not be another star, further on the line.
Look out, look out at each town that glides by,
And there's another crowd, to drown in crying eyes.

And see how that light you love now just won't shine,
There might just be another star,
that's high and far in some other sky.
We sing, "Is that marionette real enough yet
to step off of that set to decide
what a dance might mean to it?"
Ruining the place where the ensuing may lay escape.
We packed up all of our bags
the ship's deck now sags from the weight of our tracks
As we pace beneath flags black and battered
Rattling our swords in service of some fated, foreign, lords.

And we sail out on orders from him but we find
That the maps he sent to us don't mention lost coastlines.
Where nothing we've actually seen has been mapped or outlined
And we don't recognize the names upon these signs.

And every night finds us rocking and rolling on waves wild and wide,
Well we have lost our way, nobody's gonna say it outright.
Just go la la la la la la la la la.....