what's going on with me.

I generally hesitate to talk too much about myself, because such talk is usually the product of some form of pride (which ranges from arrogance to self-pity). However, over a year into this gig, I've realized a couple things I figured you, as my supporters (in prayer, finance, and personal encouragement) should know. It hasn't been my aim to fool you all this time, but I really just think I wasn't aware until recently. So here's five confessions, ways you can pray.

1. I'm not good at what I do.

2. Turns out, I'm not only awkward in America, but I'm socially impaired here, too!

3. I am far too easily content with what I (do, and don't) accomplish.

4. I'm really clueless, a lot of the time.

5. The vision and creativity that I once had apparently didn't make the trip over.

I won't elaborate on these things, but I will give more background in general. On Sunday, I heard a sermon in which the speaker explained phases we have in life--hard places through which we are purified, desert places through which we see God better, and dark places through which we understand better.

It wasn't until last Sunday that I realized I'd been in a dark place for quite a long time (about a year and two months, to be exact). I don't say "dark place" to imply that I come home every day, depressed. The "dark place" to which I'm referring is a place where nothing is recognizable, and I can't even imagine what could be there. It's like there's some disconnect between my imagination (and thought life) and the horizon. In the States, I could look out and see great things, ways in which the Father would work. Here, there's nothing.

So those are my confessions. This entire time, I've searched for hours in the Word, but have yet to receive an idea, to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what I'll keep on doing, too. But please pray for these things to be reconciled, and so that I would have a greater grasp on how to glorify His name here.

A song I've been listening to (tongue-in-cheek) a lot the past couple of days is Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train." It's message is horrible, but the melody is really good, and it reminds me of a hopelessness that I don't have, even if some of the emotions are the same. :)

Here's a video of a French band covering it:

and we will be saved

I was studying John 3 the other day when I was redirected to Numbers 21:1-9. It's where Jesus explains in v. 14, "As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life."

One of the reasons I enjoy the book of John so much is because of the pictures it paints about salvation. Light. Serpent. Vine. They're beautiful, and cut to the core. So to refresh my memory about why God sent the serpents, I turned back to Numbers and read, and was struck at how the Israelites must have felt once the snakes started attacking and they started to die from the lethal bites. Could you imagine, you're just living your normal sinful life, and to get you to repent, God sends snakes to bite your family members so that "many people of Israel [die]"? Your child dies, the elderly gentleman who taught you about the Holy book dies. Seeing bodies all around you from these snakes while fearing death yourself.

Something I rarely confide because it just shows how weird I really am, is that I sometimes have a recurring dream about snakes. When I say "snakes," I mean bunches. They're covering my floor like in Indiana Jones, and no matter where I go, there they are. When I think I am reaching for a knife, it turns out to be a snake. It's ridiculous and exhausting. Only, the good thing is that in my dreams, they never bite me. I don't know why. But when I read this text, I think of that dream, and wonder how the dream would change if my family and I were being bitten. I can't imagine it.

So the people of Israel turn to God, their only hope, and Moses makes the serpent so that every person who is bitten can look to it and live.

I don't know the circumstances of it--I don't know if there were ones who didn't look to it, or how long the snakes remained in the camp. I don't know how many people were saved by looking onto the serpent. But I do know that whoever placed his hope in it, would live.

In the same way, I look at the millions of people around me, haunted by family troubles, sicknesses that should be curable, economic problems, and fighting the corruption that runs rampant in this country. All of these are the consequences of sin, or resulting from the Fall. They experience these things, and they don't know what to do, so they live in fear and with a phrase of "I can only hope."

They can only hope, as they don't have a promise.

And while I'm studying all of this, I'm listening to Doug Burr's new album based on the psalms, The Shawl. If you like quiet folk music, or bearded singer-songwriters, or very difficult truths like the ones found in the psalms, you should get it. I'm reminded of one of the tracks based off Psalm 80:1-3 titled, "And We Will Be Saved" that goes something like:

O Give Ear, Shepherd of Israel
Thou dost lead Joseph like a flock, like a flock
Thou art enthroned above, the cherubim shine forth.
Shine forth. Shine forth.
Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up Thy power.
Stir up Thy power
Come to save us, come to save us
O God, restore us and cause Thy face to shine upon us
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved
And we will be saved

the site for THIS week

I was doing some research during my study this morning, and came across a new site, The Voice. It is a good resource for understanding the Bible better, and though theologically it leans toward Wesleyanism, it provides very clear outlines of books of the Bible, as well as some really good timelines. Oh, and the site overall is pretty easy to navigate, especially with its "related pages" bar on the right-hand side. It's complete, but not overwhelming like some other sites.

So yeah, here are my recommended links from the site, but I'm sure if you poke around, you'll find even more stuff to enjoy.
The Books of the Bible
Brief Overview of the Bible's Storyline
Israelite Kings Date Chart
Israelite Prophets Date Chart

site of the week

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my site of week.

ByPrayer.org

to our shame

Corresponding with the last post, I'm finishing up a semi-deep study in 1 Corinthians today, and can't help but notice how Paul continuously scolds the congregation in Corinth.

I'm sure not many of you are interested in anthropology, but I come from what anthropoogists call a "guilt culture" and what I live in now is a "shame culture," which is really all of Asia. (You can read more here.) The more I study Corinthians, the more I realize that this is was a shame culture. In our churches, our tactics are not so blunt, but we try to cause inner guilt to bring people to salvation, to our altars.

I'm not an anthropology major, and because of that, I can say this: our churches should reflect a shame culture. I don't know how this would play out, but it sounds like a pretty good idea for a thesis, don't you think?!

The fact is, we're not embarassed by what we do because everybody accepts us and loves us. Sure, the church should reflect love in reconciling a brother or sister to a holy life, but they should also be scolded with the Word. Whose job is this? Our small groups? Our mentors'?

And above all that, something that really struck me as Paul brings this letter to the congregation to a climax:
1 Cor. 15:34, "Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame."

The ultimate shame is that some around us have no knowledge of God.

Yes, we should be ashamed.

on the seriousness of sin

Today was reading in 1 Corinthians 5, "It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father's wife. You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst."

This verse got me thinking earlier about how there are so many in our congregations who live in sin, yet we let it go because we want to show them "love." Paul, however, never labels leaving a person in sin as "love" or allowing them to stay with Christ's bride as "love," but "arrogance."

I got to thinking about why they would be labeled "arrogant" and realized that when we do that--it is arrogance. It's saying that we know a better way to deal with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

and THEN, in v. 8, he concludes, "Therefore let us celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth."

When/if we do this to our brother or sister in Christ, we do it in sincerity and truth--not malice or wickedness. That is actual love.

Wow. I have a lot to repent for.

reading a couple of books

Read a couple of challenging books this week. One of them I won't share over this blog, but if you want to know what it is, then e-mail me. It's worth it, I assure you.

The second was a book called "23 Minutes in Hell."

I know I'd seen this book before, and passed it off as another "Hell-obsessed" book that doesn't emphasize Christ too much.. The wannabe Don Miller in me tends to shy away from fire and brimstone as a tactic to scare people into faith. I think, with the course of this book, the Lord helped me realize that "fire and brimstone" isn't just a tactic to scare people into faith, but if done well, it's preaching the truth.

Fact is, the book is written as an actual experience the author claims he had in hell. Of course, the conservative in me always questions this type of thing--like prophetic dreams we sometimes hear of, and over the years I've come to see this thing 2 ways: If the gospel and only the gospel is emphasized through this occurance, then it could be true. (Hear the skepticism even in that statement?) If it happens and some other agenda is preached outside of the gospel alone, then it is Satan.

I usually weigh supernatural occurances like these by that guideline, and I'd have to say that after reading this book, I do believe that the author really had a twenty-three minute experience in hell. I don't know how, and I doubt I ever will.

With all that said, I highly recommend it, if nothing but an intriguing story. It has a very heavy emphasis on the gospel, and backs everything up with Scripture. It is for believers and nonbelievers alike. You can run a search for the mp3 and find a million sources, so just Google it.

a skewed view of "just enough"

As Americans, when we think of "living within our means," we usually include basic cable and the occasional meal at McDonald's.

Prov. 30:8-9,
"Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion,
That I not be full and deny You and say, 'Who is the LORD?'
Or that I not be in want and steal,
And profane the name of my God."

According to this, "living within our means" means that we have food that is just enough.

Just enough. No leftovers. Maybe not even feeling full, but still enough to sustain our bodies.

Our view of poverty is, in fact, living within one's means.

One time I tried fasting every week, and the process reminded me of how much our bodies really don't need food or drink to go about our daily business. It's a psychology thing. An American thing.

So, who is up for praying that for their own lives and families?

Christ became to us...

Lately I've been reading and re-reading through the epistles.

Today I was tackling 1 Corinthians and was quickly amazed at the glory of Christ which we find in the last couple verses of chapter 1.

"But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption, so that, just as it is writted, "LET HIM WHO BOASTS, BOAST IN THE LORD."

How we simplify the work of Christ.

We see here that Christ is not just Savior and Lord, but he became our:
Wisdom from God
Righteousness
Sanctification
Redemption

Especially interesting is when you think of the different roles of the last three.

Christ became our righteousness, as in only his good can be worthy in front of God, and his goodness has been fully credited to us as believers.
Christ became our sanctification, as in we become more holy and gain knowledge of the Father each day.
Christ became our redemption, our freedom from captivity.

update on Iin

I've shared in e-mails about one of my friends with whom I always have religious conversations. Because our schedules are crazy, we rarely meet, but thankfully I have shared about my faith several times, and explicitly with her about two times.

She continues to be interested with my faith.

Please lift her up at this time, specifically that we'd get to hang out more, and that she would respond to the hope that we have in Christ.

"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." - 2 Thess. 3:5

praise God for the light

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. - John, in chapter one of his gospel

Reasons why I was overwhelmed with gratitude when I read this passage:
1. Christ is the true light.
- He is never half-powerful. Christ is the one through whom "all things were made."
2. The true light enlightens everyone.
- Christ does not come just for the Jews, or just for the Americans, but effectively saves the nations.
3. In John's time, the true light was coming into the world.
- Christ knew the condition of the world, and yet he still stooped to live among the most despicable creatures.
4. He was in the world.
- We live in a time where, as Christians, we are afraid to live in the world. Yet Christ came to the world to live, to hurt, to be tempted, and to utterly glorify God through it all.
5. The world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.
- I should never think that I am too far above not recognizing the hand of Christ. When Jesus came, even though he is the Source, everyone was looking to other things. Let me never forget that my being a new creation and having anything good in me is only the result of His hand.
6. He came to his own.
- God had dealt with the Israelites for hundreds of years, and yet Jesus still went to them. How quickly we disown people in our culture.
7. His own people did not receive Him.
- The Israelites called themselves the people of God, yet they did not receive God. Let me never become so proud in what God has done in my life to forget to find his works today.
8. Receiving Christ is the same as believing in his name.
- Everyday I see hundreds of people who follow a religion where they have to go through a series of works to have the chance at earning God's approval. But Christ has done all of our works so that we only have to believe in him. (And while that same faith has the power to move mountains, it is impossible to attain without the grace of God.)
9. Christ gives us the right to become children of God.
- In a generation and culture of entitlement, maybe I think I deserve God's favor. But no, I am able to be called a child of God only because it is a gift from Christ.
10. My re-birth is not by blood, flesh, or the will of man, but of God.
- Blood, flesh, and the will of man are all temporal. They will all fail. Only God is able to sustain something, and praise Him that my salvation does not rest in feeble hands that are strong one moment and weak the next, but resides in the hand of the One who holds all of creation.

those aforementioned students...

Most of you know that I am mentoring a group of students. They come to my city on the weekends, and they go out into villages on Saturdays to study the culture and look at the development of villages. They are hard workers, and come from all over the country. Some of them have not seen their families for years because they cannot afford to go home. In their spare time, they make food to sell to earn money. During summer vacation, they are committed to the work. After their fourth year, they must commit to a year of work before they graduate. They are a great group, and the Father has taught me a lot through them.

Unfortunately, they lack sustainable skills that they will need after they graduate, like sewing or hair-cutting--stuff like that. Please lift them up, that they would be able to learn skills so that they could earn an income while participating in the work to which they have been called.