I generally hesitate to talk too much about myself, because such talk is usually the product of some form of pride (which ranges from arrogance to self-pity). However, over a year into this gig, I've realized a couple things I figured you, as my supporters (in prayer, finance, and personal encouragement) should know. It hasn't been my aim to fool you all this time, but I really just think I wasn't aware until recently. So here's five confessions, ways you can pray.
1. I'm not good at what I do.
2. Turns out, I'm not only awkward in America, but I'm socially impaired here, too!
3. I am far too easily content with what I (do, and don't) accomplish.
4. I'm really clueless, a lot of the time.
5. The vision and creativity that I once had apparently didn't make the trip over.
I won't elaborate on these things, but I will give more background in general. On Sunday, I heard a sermon in which the speaker explained phases we have in life--hard places through which we are purified, desert places through which we see God better, and dark places through which we understand better.
It wasn't until last Sunday that I realized I'd been in a dark place for quite a long time (about a year and two months, to be exact). I don't say "dark place" to imply that I come home every day, depressed. The "dark place" to which I'm referring is a place where nothing is recognizable, and I can't even imagine what could be there. It's like there's some disconnect between my imagination (and thought life) and the horizon. In the States, I could look out and see great things, ways in which the Father would work. Here, there's nothing.
So those are my confessions. This entire time, I've searched for hours in the Word, but have yet to receive an idea, to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That's what I'll keep on doing, too. But please pray for these things to be reconciled, and so that I would have a greater grasp on how to glorify His name here.
A song I've been listening to (tongue-in-cheek) a lot the past couple of days is Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train." It's message is horrible, but the melody is really good, and it reminds me of a hopelessness that I don't have, even if some of the emotions are the same. :)
Here's a video of a French band covering it:
