so it's been about two months...

From November until last week, I didn't think I'd get a chance to rest and/or recuperate to do anything because of a crazy work schedule.

Then two weeks ago my hard-drive died suddenly. It's not easy to find a place that services Macs, but God really blessed me ad we got it taken care of pretty easily and quickly, like in a week. And then it was Christmas, and I could go on and on about how nice it was to spend Christmas out of America's realm of materialism, but something tells me that's for a more spiritual post.

The day after Christmas, a few of us went to the capital city to eat. Yes, that was our only goal. Round one: Outback Steakhouse. BLOOMIN' ONION! (w/ bottomless drinks, which are a foreign concept here!) And it wasn't halal, so you know what that means? Bacon!
Round two: Krispy Kreme. KRISPY KREME!
Round three: a sub-sandwich place. SUBS!
Round four: Dairy Queen Blizzard. BLIZZARD!
Round four: Chili's. I ate a Buffalo Chicken Salad. Who knew there was such a glorious thing?
Round five: Krispy Kreme. Again.
Round six: a panini place that had turkey sandwiches. TURKEY!

I'm still recovering. I'd forgotten how big American portions were.

And then, I began to download some albums. (Here, a new album can cost as low as $3, and Amazon has been having a sale with albums going for $5). I also bought a Paste Magazine Subscription for the year, which has given me some more albums. Almost 98% of this readership will not care, but for the few who do, I was fortunate enough to purchase/download:
Bebo Norman - Try
Jars of Clay - Redemption Songs
Rosie Thomas - A Very Rosie Christmas
Sufjan Stevens - Songs for Christmas Vol. 8
Low - Christmas
Paste Sampler 49
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Coldplay - Viva La Vida
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Matt Pond PA - The Freeep
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer

I don't even understand what I'm saying...

Today I taught a class on:

I lie on the bed.
I am lying on the bed.
I lay on the bed
I have lain on the bed.

He lay the box on the bed.
He is laying the box on the bed.
He laid the box on the bed.
He has laid the box on the bed.

Right. Just so you all know, I'm typing this as I lay on my bed.

in but not of

For those of you that thought this would be spiritual, I'm sorry to mislead you. Just an update of a few things I've noticed about myself, which will only confirm my being a freak when I return to the States.

In Fall 2008, I know I'm in a different culture because...
1) I choose the squatty potty over the Western potty. It's more practical, and much easier.
2) To speak English, sometimes I translate from my adopted language because I forget the English equivalents. (note: this does not mean I am fluent, it only means I'm stupid.)
3) I like jackfruit. Yes, the fruit that stinks, the close cousin to durian. Did I mention that it stinks?
4) The idea that families of mosquitoes are flying around me don't alarm me. (Have I mentioned that I hate rainy season?)
5) I just sleep on top of the bed since it is too hot to use a sheet. (Only those who know me well will know that when I sleep, I generally like to re-enact my time in the womb, which involves heavy blankets, or at least a sheet.)
6) I want to ride my bike with a jacket on, since I might have air enter my body and get violently ill the next day. (A local myth that I now believe in--and now, if I ride my bike, I can feel the air in my head. It hurts.)
7) Driving without rules is totally normal. I can pass a car whenever I want, even if there's one coming from the opposite direction. No harm, no foul. There is no white line. There is no speed limit.
8) When I prepare American meals, they don't have any taste. Where are my chili peppers? I guess the bottled chili sauce will do...
9) I was teaching in a government building and looked down to see a stray kitten (with no tail because they're all so inbred) that had wandered into the room...you know, like usual.
10) I can't imagine life without my rice cooker or wok, and actually make mental notes to buy said tools when I move back to the States.

insights in translation

Something interesting about the Christian culture here is that they will have the traditional songs with a completely different translation. As much as I like Fanny Crosby's version of the hymn, "Near the Cross," I think my new culture's translation is a whole lot more powerful.

Thankfully, my church sang it twice on Sunday. This is my rough translation from my new language.

Bring Me Near the Cross (or, the English title, "Near the Cross")

bring me Jesus, near Your Cross
the water of life and Your blood make my heart holy
the Cross, the Cross, forever glory
my sin has been erased by the blood of Jesus

my faith is the smallest, the Lord will not leave me
illuminate my heart with Your Holy Spirit
the Cross, the Cross, forever glory
my sin has been erased by the blood of Jesus

Your cross, my rest, I long for your love
As long as I live I want to be obedient to you
the Cross, the Cross, forever glory
my sin has been erased by the blood of Jesus

the Bible Style Guide

Excellent resource, in pdf format about the Bible's history, composition, components, and translations. Good for believers and seekers.

The Bible Style Guide

Judas, Peter, and apostasy

Here is a really good sermon from Phil Johnson on Matt. 12:30-32 -- the Unpardonable Sin.

I have sat in on many discussions about this topic, even on one of the most prominent campuses in the theological world, and have never received such a good exposition as this.

friends!post: Sila

Heavy-metal music. Teenage drama films. Barbie. Tattoos and Piercings.

This is one of my more random friends, who comes to our house about once a week. Her mind literally thinks polar opposite things at the same time. Sometimes, when I think there's progress with a pretty heavy topic, it's acknowledged with a, "O yeah, sure," and followed by a question like, "Is European fashion popular in America?" Of course, that comes with a personality with whom I can share anything and everything, and laugh about a lot of things. (We both have a pretty childish sense of humor.)

One of her best friends is an American teenager that lives here. Between Erin, me, and him, she hears a lot of our opinions. The most recent thing we talked about was how everything good that we do still isn't good enough for some people, kinda like our best clothes being a dirty rag for others. We're not sure if it sunk in or not.

She's really interested in spirits, claiming that she sees them all the time. I think a lot of it is brought on, even though I believe she's telling the truth. She believes that the only thing that can stop these things is reciting some things from her family's book. The book has power. Any other method that we tell her about is good, but it obviously has nothing to do with her. I hope she tries another method one day.

Worlds Apart

A six hour car journey led me to rediscover a couple of songs, especially Jars of Clay's "World's Apart" from their first self-titled CD. I found this YouTube video that just has the song and lyrics, figured I'd share. As corny as it sounds, this song has been my prayer for the past couple of days.

studying the book of Revelation

I've been studying Revelation for about a month now, and today I'm to the point in the book where there is nothing but hope for those who believe, and everyone rejoices in the New Earth. Exciting stuff, and a good reminder that as the Bride left on her wedding night, the Church is supposed to long for her husband.

I started reading the book with some definite goals, none of which have been completed, but I have learned a whole lot, and have realized yet again that pre/am/post thinking will really get you nowhere.

Anyway, wanted to link everyone with this wonderful batch of sermons on the book, all in .pdf format, and easy to read and understand. Also good on holding Scripture against Scripture, and to getting to the main point of the matter: glorifying God.

The Big Picture: Ramadan

Here are some pictures from all around the world, capturing images of Ramadan. Follow the link to go to the blog.

friends!post: Nova, Santy, Ika, Yuli, Ian, Ida

These are my friends who work at the English center where I study. Recently, there's been a lot of sharing going around the center, and there's been some really good conversations. The first two from the left are really good at meeting with university students and talking with them about life. They're crazy, easy-going, and friendly. Right now they have a couple of appointments to meet with students and hang out.
These are a couple of my friends. Ian is a civil engineer, very talented. Ida is a fashion designer, also very talented. You remember the appointments my friends from the English center have? They're with these guys. These guys, who have heard story after story, but don't yet understand them. Recently, after telling Ian I would pray that he would get his first "big job," he did, a testimony to the one in whose name I pray. One day the girl was talking with a friend of hers and for the first time her friend explained the idea of prayer to her, and she was intrigued. She wants to talk about that topic again later.

* * *

The two on the right have a standing appointment with house helpers every Wednesday. Together, they make Christmas decorations and learn new skills like sewing and cross stitch. These house helpers are usually low-educated women who grew up in villages. As they learn these new skills, they tell and discuss stories. In her personal time, one of the house helpers is learning stories that have a theme about the problem we have and how to fix it. Maybe she'll share those stories with the other women in the group--stories about disobedience, a brother's murder, a natural disaster, a son's escape from death, and even slavery.

a simpler explanation of Sarah Palin and the will of God

from Scriptorium Daily:

In my experience, churches like those Governor Palin attends use “God’s will” in a looser way. This can lead to confusion especially when secularists with a political agenda use misunderstandings to fuel fear and hatred of different religious ideas.

Why I like this editorial:
1) It explains a whole lot about evangelicals to those who don't believe.
2) It explains a whole lot about evangelicals to me--and I am one.

On the second point, I want to explain a little. For the most part, I don't like to use the words, "I believe this is God's will for my life" in referring to specific circumstances (i.e. giving something to someone, teaching a class, or moving overseas). I've never liked it, mostly because I've considered it Christianese which detracts from the Scriptures. For example, my saying, "I believe it is God's will for me to attend this seminar" does nothing to further knowledge about the Holy One, but to affirm that I'm in the right, that I'm doing well (which is the complete antithesis of the Scriptural view of human depravity).

HOWEVER, if I say, "I believe it is God's will for me to learn more about Him" then I am speaking the truth; the seminar might just be one of those avenues to learn more about Him.

Wow, that makes a whole lot more sense.

politcking.

As most of you know, I skim--er, read and meditate on, way too many blogs.

Since both conventions are over and November is quickly approaching, I've been trying to keep up with some politics, even though from my home hundreds of thousands of miles away from the States, I can feel the repercussions of these campaigns in the media at large. I'm already tired of hearing about Palin, McCain, and Obama. I don't care about their social lives or the things you can find that will help produce scandal. I live in a country where they have to report the wealth of their candidates, just so the citizens will know those candidates will not be persuaded into corruption later in office. Really, with all the politicians--whether they are a mom or a POW who can't type e-mails or an inexperienced soothsayer or Joe Biden, America will be alright.

America. Will. Be. Alright.

But, despite my overarching belief that America is going to pull through regardless, I have been trying to keep up with several political blogs/sites that help to inform, of course mostly with a conservative bent, and I figured I'd share those.

1. PolitiFact - checks their lies
2. RealClearPolitics - pretty unbiased
3. Instapundit - conservative, but one of the more unbiased, defends SP too much for my liking
4. Townhall - very biased, but intelligent
5. The Campaign Spot - conservative and biased

friends!post: meet Wicak

Wicak is one of my teachers and friends. He's a good guy. A really good guy. And, he's a giant in comparison to most Asians.

Aside from teaching, he translates books for a Catholic book publisher. In the coming weeks, he's going to be translating some stuff for me, since he knows his heart language a whole lot better than I do. (I am only learning the national language, and due to scheduling I haven't yet started to learn the other widely-spoken language here, aside from a few words and phrases.)

I don't yet know what I'm going to do after these things are translated. Maybe memorize them. Maybe form a bilingual study group for students who like to study English. We'll see what happens.

ok, so this is the plan

1) I have been really random and bad about this thing.
2) I want to post more frequently, to help you all know more about my life.
3) I want to post in a couple of specific categories, mostly there will be photo posts, story posts, and experience posts. There will also be justsoyouknow and friends posts so you will know what specific things are happening. I'll try to space these out every day or so. I want to highlight friends.

Here's the thing...
1) I'm really good at making goals and not following through.
2) The fact that my camera no longer exists makes me feed off the pictures from Erin, and mostly pictures from the past. Eventually, the pictures will run out.
3) I'm still going to have rambly posts and music posts and roller coaster posts which involve nobody but myself. Sorry, but it's one way to stay sane.
4) See #1.

We'll see how it goes.

friends!post: meet P.S.

P.S. (she doesn't like her real name) is one of my best friends here. I've been hanging out with her since my fourth day in-country, not just because she knows English better than I do. Erin and I talk to her as much as we can about the more important things in life, and lift her up every day. Last week, we gave her a present, a book, with a list of things inside she might want to check out. She's already checked out some of them, and one day last week we (Erin, me, her, another friend) had a pretty lengthy discussion about the standards within that book, and how they can't be reached with our own means. She'd heard it before, but I know I had to hear that fact about one thousand times before it sunk in.

this is my life.

One of the fun things about fasting month, is my Muslim friends are always really excited about eating dinner, breaking their day-long fast. So, last week Erin and I decided to meet up with some friends at the mall to break the fast (at the time, we had hopes to share with them, but they diverted a bunch of our lead-in questions so it didn't happen). They said to meet at six, but being on rubber-time, they didn't arrive until much later. Let's say that after about twenty minutes of waiting, Erin and I were really hungry, so we decided to get a bread snack at one of the stores on the other side of the mall. We got it, and ashamed, stood behind a poll to eat it, at a place where they couldn't see us. It was delicious.

After that, we went to meet with them, ate dinner, then walked around the mall for a while. Suddenly, we were in front of that same bread store, and the conversation went like this:
I: Hey, who wants bread?
E, C, and K: No, thanks.
I: Ok!
But, in true local style, she bought bread for all of us. So, Erin and I, already very full, sat down inside the store to eat the bread that we had already eaten only an hour and fifteen minutes before that. I was on my second nibble when I noticed the staff were gawking at us--"us" being the white girls--and one of them, laughing.

Yes, I was laughed at by a tiny Asian man. Unfortunately, that's nothing new. But, to make things worse, that was just the beginning of our embarassing night.

After that, we escorted our friends to the side parking lot, to their motorcycle. On our way back, we had to cross two exit-ways from the car parking lot, which consist of a little lane, post, and gate for each (you know, the same gates you see at toll ways). So, Erin and I wait for the first car to go, he goes, we start to walk to the middle/safe zone when suddenly the gate comes heavy down Erin's shoulder. The parking guy, at this point, had seen the whole disasterous thing before it happened, and had tried to stop it, but who's to stop the stupid white girls from getting themselves chopped in two by the gate?

At that point, Erin turned to me and announced, "Oh Cass, we gotta go, I'm so embarassed. Hurry."

But, we had to wait for the second car at the second post. Thankfully, it goes, and just as we start walking, the gate comes down heavy on my shoulder.

As you can tell, we're not the brightest bulbs in the box, and I don't yet know all the lessons I'm supposed to have learned from our encounter, but...this is what happens on an all-too-regular basis.

carrying your cross to the darker places

This morning I was writing out notes to some of you back in the States and had my iTunes set to play through my Andrew Peterson CDs. I had gone through Behold the Lamb of God and was halfway through Carried Along when I heard the lyric, "Cause I've carried my cross to the dens of the wicked/And I blended in just fine." The song was from "Come, Lord Jesus," one of my favorite songs from that record, but for some reason I had always missed the point of that line or something. (It takes my mind longer than others' to enter facts--especially along the lines of spiritual truths. For example, the other day I read 1 Cor. 8 for probably the millionth time, and I feel like I understood it for the first.)

One of the most paradoxical things about the Christian life, is that if we're to follow our Savior's steps, we're to live among the sinners, since they're the ones who need a physician. Yet, even though we live among them, we are not to resemble them. After years of thinking about counter-culture vs. building bridges and common ground (the latter of which I discovered just a year and a half ago was a lie), I've realized that once more, following Jesus boils down to knowing Him, loving Him, and then resembling Him. And it's daily, or one could easily carry his cross somewhere only to turn into the exact thing he is trying to reach.

One of the things God warns the Jews throughout the Old Testament is conforming to other cultures. The Israelites were supposed to be set apart as the nation of God, but they failed repeatedly in all phases of Jewish history. Quickly, what was foreign to your character becomes familiar, even a part of you.

A year ago I didn't eat rice two times a day, I didn't wipe my mouth with toilet paper, the thought of drinking hot juice sickened me, I didn't see at least three cockroaches a day, I didn't share a bedroom with lizards, and I didn't hear the adhan five times a day. It's amazing how quickly I could adapt physically, but even scarier how easily I could adapt spiritually if I would allow my flesh the pleasure.

Come, Lord Jesus by Andrew Peterson
Tonight in the line of the merchandise store
While they were packing up my bags
I saw the pictures of the prophets of the picket signs
Screaming, "God hates fags"

And it feels like the church isn't anything more
Then the second coming of the Pharisees
Scrubbing each other 'til their tombs are white
They chisel epitaphs of piety

Oh, there's a burning down inside of me
'Cause the battle seems so lost
And it's raging on so silently
We forget it's being fought

So, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen
Oh, Amen
Come Lord Jesus
Amen

It's taken me years in the race just to get this far
Still there is no end in sight,
There's no end in sight
'Cause I've carried my cross into dens of the wicked
And you know I blended in just fine

Well, I'm weak and I'm weary of breaking His heart
With they cycle of my sin, of my sin
Still He turns His face to me and I kiss it
Just to betray Him once again

Well, I've got oceans down inside of me
I can feel the billows roll
With the mercy that comes thundering
O'er the waters of my soul

So, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen
Oh, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen

Tonight in the light of the gathering rain
I could hear creation groan
And a sigh rose up from the streets of the city
To the foot of Heaven's throne

Oh, and the people hear the sound of a sweet refrain
An absolution in the fray, in the fry
It tells of the death of the one for the lives of the many
More than any picket sign could say

So, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen
Oh, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen

...listen to Andrew's new CD -- my connection is too slow, unfortunately
...preorder Andrew's new CD

The Bible and the Qur'an

Chances are, if everything you have learned about Islam has come from television, then you might not know much. But, even if you are aware of the basic tenants of the faith, maybe you don't know too much about the Qur'an. Something neat about the book is that when Muhammad wrote the book he included several stories that are based on stories from the Bible.

There are some stories that appear a little different in the Qur'an--most, in fact--but the comparisons are enough for some of my Muslim friends to want to explore the Biblical accounts as well (which the Qur'an teaches has been corrupted and isn't reliable). Anyway, what are those stories and teachings, you ask?

Well, a wonderful (liberal) organization put out a search engine that will search both the Bible and the Qur'an based on keyword. There is also a list of the common ideas/stories. Highly recommended to read, even if you're just curious but lazy too.

I also found a good resource for Ramadan, in case you're wondering...
"An Idiot's Guide to Ramadhan"

you'd think it were madlibs...

...but actually it's just a summary of a local tourist attraction:

THE NEWBORN BABY PLACENTA FLOATING
The tradition rite of the newborn baby floating is an activity to make the rite habit, to treat and to free the placenta of the newborn baby from a spell. One of this placenta from a spell float the placenta that make a rite to sweep away the placenta of the newborn baby into the sea, it means the placenta become one in the water, in the future the baby can be hoped to have a wide perspective and getting a freedom so he could be up against and adjust to the environment. The series of this placenta floating activity was been first by the newborn baby, after the baby was born and was taken bath by the doctor, the baby's father washes out the placenta and after that it got in to the pot together with the symbolic things like salt, telon flower, note book, pen, Al-Qur'an of verces, needle, yarn and white cloth. After takes care the newborn baby, the baby's father recite call to prayer over the him/her and the placenta will be float into the sea. The activities procession of this placenta floating is beeing first by cucuking laku ( a kind of ceremonial dancing) and it is followed by the baby's father while bringing the placenta of the newborn baby and he is flanked by grand father and grand mother, together with the procession go to the sea and followed by a song of Mocopat Dandhang Gulo from the mothers After the activity of the floating is finished, they come back to shore, followed by the same song, then tumpeng, jenang sengkolo and other food have been prepared to eat together after having prayer. In the evening there is still an activity to show the happines for thye newborn baby with hadrah & rodath atraction, Surabaya lenggang dance and humoric stage.

the first day of Ramadan

Well, it's that time of year again.

Today was the first day of the ninth month of the lunar calendar, a month Muslims set apart to become holy, primarily through fasting from sun-up to sun-down. They won't eat anything. They won't even drink water. The most conservative won't swallow their own spit.

As we entered this Islamic holy month, I began to seek God about what how he wanted me to spend this time. I spent time researching fasting in the Bible, fasting from the perspective of Muslims, and even read a couple of Islamic sites which drew conclusions about fasting from the Bible (although they did make sure to note how the book had been tampered with, and could not be fully believed). It's interesting how the Enemy is really good about thwarting the truth just slightly like that.

Another example of Satan's tactics here is a story I heard from a friend yesterday. Said friend had been doing her practicum in the village for a couple of weeks, and was catching me up on the highlights of her time there. She mentioned one girl had become possessed while there. The following conversation ensued:
C: What happened? Did they see a witch doctor? (the normal practice here, the mixture of Islam with folk beliefs)
H: No, I have a friend who is real good in the Al Qur'an, and that took care of it.
C: And that worked?
H: Yeah, she was fine after that.

So, they learn that there is healing of demon possession can be found through reciting the Holy Qur'an. Smart one, Satan.

This month the majority of my friends here will participate in an empty faith so they can have forgiveness. They'll have to follow rigid rules in order to attain God's favor, and God's favor might not last that long after it is attained. But, if they don't follow the fast, then there will literally be more hell to pay in the afterlife (their amount of time in hell will depend on their actions here on earth).

I've been catching up on my Bible stories on fasting so I can retell them if conversation rises (as it surely will). One of the sweetest passages I read the other day was in Joel, and I pray this for my friends here.

Joel 2:12-13, "'Yet even now' declares the LORD, 'Return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; and rend your heart and not your garments. Now return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil.'"

the reason for God

Like I said the other day, I picked up Timothy Keller's The Reason for God at the airport in Singapore. A couple days later, I've finished about 160 pages (with quite a few left to go).

Being one of those that always thinks about things that really have little importance, I've always enjoyed philosophy, even deconstruction in which I can state I'm sitting on an Oreo eating a toilet. Maybe because of my fondness for the abstract, I've always tried to reason myself out of Christianity, mostly when I read the Bible or books defending the faith. Of course I've never come close to not-believing, I just like spotting the logical fallacies which run rampant in Christian writing and talk in Christian circles.

With that said, I've approached Keller's book with the mind of a skeptic, wondering if its arguments would hold up. The result? So far, I have found a couple of problems in its reasoning, but overall it's one of the least fallacious books on the topic that I have ever read--maybe because Keller is a pastor instead of an apologist.

And, with that out of the way, I'll continue to plug the book. If you want your mind stimulated, read it. If you want to be encouraged in your faith, and learn a lot of new things along the way, read it. If you want to prove him wrong, read it.

The Reason for God by Timothy Keller

Oh yeah, and I just downloaded and will start to read Plantinga's "Two Dozen (or so) Theistic Arguments," so I recommend that too, if you're willing to read Plantinga-jargon.

over the hump - 28/08/2008

It's Thursday...

Life:
It's Thursday and I'm sitting in Chiangi International Airport. My plane has a delay, so I'm trying to take advantage of Singapore's hospitality, which includes free, fast, wifi, among other things. As stated in the last post, my life is one of those things where no matter how hard I try, I can't do it gracefully, and usually the outcome is confusion and more problems. One of my more fleshly problems is pride, and I think this is just God trying to show me that I really am pitiful and there is nothing to take pride in, even in the eyes of the world. Six years ago he showed me that with salvation--I cannot boast that I believed in the name of the Lord, as He is the one who called me. Now he's breaking me down in every other way.

Anyway, the good news is I just obtained my new visa; I'm over the hump that has taken almost seven months to ascend.

Links:
Perlious Plunge at Holiday World - needless to say, I'm pretty excited, and am already thinking about Summer 2010.
7 Tough Questions to Ask Your Friends - I need this to be asked of me (hint, hint), and I need to ask others
The Reason for God by Timothy Keller - just bought it five minutes ago at a really high airport/Singapore price, but plan on reading it this week


Nobody's Got It All Together - Jill Phillips

Working hard to tie up the loose ends
So hard to decide who you let in
Put your best foot forward with a grin

I can see the fear behind your eyes
Wondering if someone will recognize
You’ve grown tired of keeping up the lies

Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else well
Nobody’s got it all together

I have seen the darkness of my heart
And found a love that taught me its too hard
To walk through life and not let down my guard

What good is it to say please savior come
If there is nothing you need rescue from
Life is something no one has a corner on

Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else well
Nobody’s got it all together

When the parts that are self righteous
Start to disappear
Every other life is
Just another mirror
And life is way too short to run and hide

Don’t whitewash the truth about yourself ‘cause
Nobody’s got it all together
If you want to be like everyone else well
Nobody’s got it all together

my Charlie Brown moment

Today I caught myself dripping wet, standing under a tree, with no place to go.

The story is long, so I won't go into the details of my life being living proof of Murphy's law, but I just want you to picture this: white girl in a brown-skinned world, standing under a big tree, wet shirt, wet, dirty pants and feet. No where to go, and no clue about where I was actually headed. It was raining hard, and I didn't have an umbrella since this is the dry season. I was very sad, and emotionally feeble from a rough day.

It took about fifteen minutes for me to turn to God, and even then my heart was weak and all I could do was a muffled prayer in my head of, "God, please let this all stop."

In that second I realized that it didn't take cancer to make me feel sad. It didn't take a tsunami, losing my job, having my family die in a car wreck. It didn't take a crippling disease, holding a dying child in my arms, being engulfed by war, or even being imprisoned. I wasn't beaten or teased, never harassed. Yet, at that moment, all that was within me was ready to give up, as if I had suffered some atrocity.

Paul should have addressed his letters not to people who were really suffering, but just to some twenty-something girl who was stuck under a tree during an hour-long rainstorm, because if he had, maybe I would have realized that I could persevere through such an ordeal.

^ That last part was sarcastic, for those who are less inclined to read it that way.

At the same time, I checked Tim Challies' blog tonight to find his post about trials and suffering, which only did more to convict me about the "trials" I have to endure. This is from the Valley of Vision:
Father of Mercies, Hear me for Jesus’ sake.
I am sinful even in my closest walk with thee;
it is of thy mercy I died not long ago;
Thy grace has given me in the cross
by which thou hast reconciled thyself to me and me to thee,
drawing me by thy great love,
reckoning me as innocent in Christ though guilty in myself.

Giver of all graces, I look to thee for strength to maintain them in me,
for it is hard to practise what I believe.
Strengthen me against temptations.
My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin,
a river of corruption since childhood days,
flowing on in every pattern of behaviour;
Thou hast disarmed me of the means in which I trusted,
and I have no strength but in thee.

Thou alone canst hold back my evil ways,
but without thy grace to sustain me I fall.
Satan’s darts quickly inflame me,
and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand:
Empower me against his wiles and assaults.
Keep me sensible of my weakness, and of my dependence upon thy strength.
Let every trial teach me more of thy peace, more of thy love.

Thy Holy Spirit is given to increase thy graces,
and I cannot preserve or improve them unless he works continually in me.
May he confirm my trust in thy promised help,
and let me walk humbly in dependence upon thee, for Jesus’ sake.

free album: JJ Heller

In my life-quest to acquire as much modern folk music as possible, I stumbled upon the free download of JJ Heller's new album, "Painted Red." I've downloaded many free (and legal) albums in my time, and sometimes the songwriting/quality is what you pay for. This album, however, is different. (Had I heard of JJ Heller before now, I would have known that she would produce quality music.)

Download the album. Plus, donate some money.



"Painted Red"
If I could not hold a pen I would write of you on my heart instead
You have bought me with your blood and I am painted red by your love
If I could not say a word my life would speak of love I don't deserve

Hope means holding on to you
Grace means you're holding me too

what is written above your door?

I could go into a long story about how one of my favorite aspects of soteriology is found in Exodus 12 and the blood of the sacrifice on the doorposts of the houses of the Israelites, but I won't. Instead, I'll go directly into the story of what we recently found above our door. You see, for a while Erin had noticed an enveloped taped to the wall high above our front door. Since the ceilings here are pretty high, and we're both pretty lazy, we let it go, only imagining the big piece of wall that had been chipped-at underneath the envelope.

At the same time, there had been some...different things happening in our house.

It started with our money. Little by little, sometimes big by big, would disappear from the places where our money is kept safely. One morning Erin went to shower. At that time, she had been keeping close tabs on her money, as we'd seen so much disappear. She counted it before she showered. Our house helper and I were the only ones in the house, and when Erin came back, some of the money from her wallet in her purse was gone.

Now, logically, the house helper was the only one who could have taken it. And yes, even though our house helper treats us like her own children and we think of her as family, we did suspect maybe she was doing it. We were hurt and a little angry. I confronted her about the issue, not directly casting blame, but just letting her know what was going on. Erin and I prayed that whatever had happened would stop, that we would be able to forgive Ibu Mila, with whom we are trying to be lights, and that it would all go away.

The very next day, I came home and had a significant sum of money in my wallet from my most recent trip to the ATM. I put my bag in my room and went to help Ibu Mila in the kitchen. Two hours later, I had a portion missing. Ibu Mila hadn't left my side.

At this point, for a while that at the time did not seem connected, both Erin and I had experienced a darkness in our house. When Erin was here, I would pray as I was walking around the house, not liking the weird feeling. I would pray in the bathroom. Pray as I used the shower. It wasn't a good feeling. I didn't know it at the time, but Erin was feeling the same thing, and was praying every night before she went to bed that nothing evil would enter the house. Then more recently, Erin woke up several nights in a row, petrified for no reason but feeling something bad.

By far the strangest thing happened one night in Erin's room. She woke up to a light noise in the middle of the night. Assuming it was a magnet falling off her dry erase board, she rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning, Erin saw something underneath her bed, at the foot. It was a Chinese coin. To understand the weight of this, you have to know Erin. Her room is impeccably neat. She had just remade her bed the day before. There was nothing in her blankets but blankets. Moreover, even though her friend had recently traveled here from China, she had never owned a Chinese coin, and did not know where it could have come from.

Being Americans, we tried to think of as many scientific reasons as we could before we even thought of the spiritual realm. (Which, by the way, is very real here. Very. And not fun, although thankfully aside from these incidents I've been blessed to not witness its power.) We still can't explain what all happened, and of course people in the West will think it is ridiculous, but there is a striking darkness that is over the darker places in the world, and this sure is one of them. You don't have to be "sensitive" to the spiritual world or even be seeking it out to feel it, it's just there.

One night a friend of ours saw the envelope above our door. He decided to take the envelope down, only to find out that when he did it, inside were some incantations and stones.

We believe the weird animistic spell that was meant to keep spirits out of the house for the previous owners was actually acting as an invitation. We know the ultimate solution isn't to get rid of the envelope, but we did. We know the real solution is to worship the Conqueror of sin and death, which we do and will continue to do if more weird things keep happening.

Yesterday, I read one of the best...collection of thoughts...on spiritual warfare. It's a long article, but it's very biblical and insightful without fanning fanatacism and promoting Exorcist t-shirts. Highly recommended.

proprietary prayer

Recently, Mila's village began clearing space so they could build a house for Mila's mom. I was there the Saturday before they began building, and told Mila that I would be praying for the house and those working. I did.

Mila came to our house to work on Tuesday, and she said the walls were already in place, and twice as many people had showed up to work as expected. In the village, the whole village will participate. They were expecting twenty-five builders for twenty days. They got fifty.

I asked again on Thursday how progress was going. She told me she had phoned home the night before that the walls were almost finished, and that it was because of the prayers we had said. She said that when she heard of the progress, she began to cry (because it was unbelievable). She also said that her mother wanted to thank us, accrediting our prayers to their success.

That's one example of what God does when I least expect it. I've already explained that Erin and I have really been taking more things into prayer lately, and I am convinced that once our hardened hearts are beaten into an attitude of "Yes indeed, everything does belong to the Lord and he will expand his kingdom as he sees fit," then it becomes easier to pray. We are more eager to pray, and eager to be involved with the expansion of that kingdom.

In the past couple of weeks, God has answered some prayers I didn't know I had, and other prayers exactly the way I prayed them. There are some he refused, making my life a little complicated, but reminding me that the idea of proprietary prayer is really based on proprietary living--the idea that he owns the life I have, and everything that enters can be used for his glory if I would suck it up.

Lately I've been praying specifically for an unbelieving friend of mine who has experienced quite a bit of problems. The other day we were walking through the jungle (have I mentioned how much I love my life here?) when this song popped into my head, a testimony to her and a reminder to myself:
"Never Let Me Down" by Andy Gullahorn
I guess I learned the hard way that this world can’t give me what I need.
Even though the house I built on sand was swallowed by the sea, You never let me down. Sometimes I think I’ll only be content with things that money buys.
Its like trying to squeeze water from a stone – it will not provide.

But You never let me down.

You might let me cry.
You might let me sing.
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering.

But you won’t let me down.

If I could just stop striving and surrender to Your holy power
I know Your loving arms will lift me up and never let me down.

to the country (yet again, last Friday)

This is Ibu Mila, her daughter Olivia, her daughter's friend, and her son Agung. Ibu Mila works part-time for us as a cook/maid, and we are so thankful for her. Last Friday I went home with her to her village and was able to see her family's farm and meet some of her family members. Her husband often works in the capital, so he is away, but she also lives with her mother, two brothers, their wives, and a little nephew (who is 2, but is about the size of a 1 year old).




This is one of Ibu Mila's friends, along with some kids from the village. I only stayed there for one night, but had a great time (despite the roosters that began crowing at 3:00 in the morning and did not stop until after 6. I had some grilled corn fresh from the small brick oven, and was able to meet quite a few people, at which time I realized that I really don't know this language at all.

an asian zoofari

Close to my city is a zoo-like place that is part zoo and part zoofari (where you drive through the animal habitats. I've been there twice (the first time because I had never been, and the second time because Erin and I wanted to take our helper and one of her children).
This is the group that went on the first trip. In the backseat with me is our friend Ardi who we go to for all things regarding movies. He's our local American gentleman, always allowing ladies to go first, opening doors, etc. Very kind and good friend.

And this is who joined us on our second trip: Ibu Mila and her son, Agung. This was right before she freaked out and dropped the carrot. The nationals here tend to be scared. A lot.
This is one of my favorite pictures. Too bad I had to shrink all these pictures, because if you could see it, the orangutan would be gazing off lackadaisically.
This is another one of my favorite pictures, mainly because we were only ten feet away from this tiger.
Another of my favorite experiences at the zoofari are the camels that aren't afraid to stick their entire heads in our windows (as long as food is involved, anyway).
This one was hanging in a tree in the zoo part of the park, more free than the other animals.
I know by now you're probably getting bored of looking at animals you could see in any zoo, but look at this itty bitty baby and his really long tail.
This hippo was pretty close to us, too. He was about ten feet away. During this part, we were driving through the water. He almost looks fake, don't you think?

There is a funny story behind this one. So here are the people involved: 1 very large and in charge rhino, and one very small Asian man. The rhino had *somehow* gotten out of his little fence (they really have a false sense of security with fences here, but that's another story), and this man was just escorting it along the way, occasionally slapping its behind.
Here are the Nasty McNastiest--the komodos. Gross. Look at that tongue. Nasty.
This guy reminded me of the Jungle Book, one of my favorite Disney movies. You know the part where Mowgli and Bagheera are preparing to sleep, and the panther falls asleep. Shortly thereafter, Kaa (voiced by the same man who voiced Winnie the Pooh in the old cartoons) comes along to eat Mowgli.
There is another funny story here. Remember when I told you nationals are afriad of a lot of things? Well, Ardi here was afraid of this 4 ft tall deer. Too afraid to feed it. You see him laughing because he is nervous (note: his hand is on the window, rolling it up). By the end of the day, he was reaching out the window. As Chucky Finster in Rugrats would say, he was, "A big brave dog."
One of the lions. Both times we drove through they were being super lazy, all asleep within close proximity of one another.
A bear eating a melon. When we went the second time they were bathing. That was really cute, but I wasn't able to get a picture.

to the country (only for a little while)

Two weeks ago we had a long holiday, so Erin, Mei, and I went to nearby countryside to hang out. It was foggy, but beautiful. We found our way near some farms, and then we got out and started to walk around, toward one of the local mountains.

Here is just one glance at the immaculately-combed farmlands. The farms were the only things we could see for miles. Gorgeous.

Here is a renown Hindu temple in the middle of the farms.
Here we are in the middle of nowhere. We used one of the farmer's motorbikes to prop our camera. The strange thing is the grade going uphill is pretty steep, yet they somehow drive their motorbikes up there. Even Mei, the national, was amazed, and he's pretty daring. So then, after walking around for a while we went back to the car only to found that it was parked in some wet grass so it didn't want to budge. Mei and I tried to push it while Erin worked the gas, and it worked only in unsticking the back passenger wheel and moving the car closer to the ravine. We were covered in mud splatter, but unfortunately it didn't show up in this picture. Sad times. Eventually, one farmer joined us to help but the car got too close to the ravine, so we had to get more farmers to push it out manually without having someone operate the gas.

to the country

Yuli, Olvi (who helps Witner), Ika, Erin, me, Witner (Mei's brother), and Jules (who helps Witner).

Last weekend my friends and I went four hours to J-town to visit a village. This is the same village that Erin and I slipped in the mud a month and a half ago, so of course. Our friend Mei's brother lives there, and he had invited us to come stay for a couple of days. So, we packed up Erin's car (oh yeah--my roommate has a car, which comes in handy here) with five people and headed for J-town. Because I had already had to travel to J-town four days before due to immigration, I laid in the far back seat and took a four hour rest. When we got there, we immediately realized the village was not as scary to walk around when it is dry.

The trip was good, and the visit was even better. The land was beautiful and the people were so kind. Some of them would ask, "Hey, do you remember when you fell that one time?" The only problem was the mosquitoes there were very strong (and plentiful), so I came home with thirty or so new bites. J-town is much hotter than here, but for the record, you know you are in this country when taking a cold bath/shower at 5:30 in the morning feels really good.



Here we are in a river taking a rest. The water was perfect, especially since it was pretty hot that day.
Here we are walking through the rice fields.

Erin and Mei acting like farmers.

Here's Erin pretending she cooked all the food Olvi prepared for us. This included: rice, friend banana, fried noodles, fried chicken, fried fish, and vegetables.

Here we are eating the way some people do around here.

Fresh coconut milk, then fresh coconut meat. (Note: it tastes nothing like the coconut we get in the States.)
Here's one of the coconut trees. Don't stand under one too long, as it could be hazardous to your health.

Dental Projects

One day a co-worker of mine was driving around when he realized that the people around the villages don't have teeth, partially because they have never brushed their teeth. So, he decided that it would be good to show young children how to brush their teeth, then equip them with toothpaste and toothbrushes so they could have clean, healthy teeth. The project is through the English center here, and the nationals who take courses at the center are the ones who lead the projects, the foreigners are only there to assist them. The projects are good because not only does it provide something good to the children, but it helps establish a relationship between the village schools and my co-workers. Anyway, here are some of my favorite pictures from the two dental projects I have attended.


This is how we teach the children how to brush their teeth. Unfortunately, our puppet's teeth has seen better days. Maybe we use this as a scare tactic? Nova (the girl) leads most of our community development projects. This day, Mei (the guy) helped Nova with our puppet.


This is Wicak, one of the teachers at Access.


This little boy was adorable. He had no front teeth, but he kept brushing away.

These kids were waiting while the older kids were brushing their teeth outside. They were listening and learning words to the song "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."


My friend Ibra was teaching these students how to brush their teeth and apparently he made a funny because they cracked up.


This school was called "Jungle School." We were wondering if our vehicles could make it out there, but we did! On the way we validated the name "Jungle School."

critter update

Here is a list of all the critters we have found in and around our house in prior weeks.

Cockroaches come out at night. Sometimes I take the effort to kill them. A lot of other times I don't. These are called friends.

Ants of many different forms can be found on and in our food. We don't worry about killing them because it would be futile. Did I mention they were everywhere? But anyway, not a big deal. These are called vitamins.

There are centipedes that we find every now and then. Those creep me out, but usually I just put them on a piece of paper and throw them outside.

There are sacks that hang from the ceiling, and we're not sure what critters are in them, but we've labeled them little nasties.

Then the things we thought were slugs--turns out they are leeches. They are still around, but they are only bad on some days. We kill them like no other.

One time we saw a miniature snake with legs. It was only about six inches long and we were able to kill it with a flip flop, but it was disgusting. One of my national friends saw it, and I asked him what it is called in the national language. He said he only knows it as "snake with legs." Helpful, huh? Anyway, we call it Satan, because surely that's what Satan looked like in the Garden.

There are many lizards who live here, but we like them because they eat the mosquitos. The lizards here are almost translucent--a wild looking animal, and they are pretty skittish.

The worst part is the cats. We have several that think this is their house despite our efforts to prove them wrong. When we aren't here or are inside, they are in our front yard. One time when we were watching a movie, one snuck in Erin's room (through the window which doesn't have a screen, only the bars) and puked on her bed. Another time I was asleep when I woke up to what sounded like two very frustrated cats. Then I realized the frustrated sound was actually them making babies. It was pretty loud, and I knew they were inside the house, so I got up to find them outside our kitchen going at it. They can get in because the back of the house is open to the sky. The next time I see them I will kill them without a second thought. I tried to hit them with a broom, but they ran away too quickly. The bad thing is that these ugly cats get together and the only thing they propagate is more ugly cats, so really if I kill the ugly ones, then I would be doing this country a favor. We just call these things, "Die, you stupid cats!" (Only we say it in the national language so they'll understand. ;) )